Day by Day Armageddon by J.L. Bourne

Well, this is awkward.  My first poor review, and I feel a little guilty about it.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed the story.  It’s a zombie book- how could I not like it?  Day by day is just that- a personal account of one military man’s survival after a zombie outbreak.  

Being an educator, I’m going to treat this like a parent-teacher conference and start with what J. L. Bourne does well.

1.       1.  I enjoyed the links to his personal life.  He really is an active duty military officer, so I appreciated his professional details and the fact that he planted his parents in Arkansas where he was born.  I struggled keeping the military acronyms straight, though.

2.      2.  He followed the “rules” or what readers already know about zombies (i.e. they’re slow and uncoordinated, can’t swim or climb, the bite is infectious, they deteriorate over time, etc.), but he added his own flavor to the rules.  After nuclear strikes on major cities which only seem to kill the remaining surviving humans, the radiation makes the zombies stronger and faster, some even retaining small snippets of their former lives like combinations to a digital lock.  Ca-reepy!

3.     3.   It’s believable.  This could have really happened, and I was completely convinced of this man’s courage and fear as he took necessary risks to ensure his survival.

4.      4.  Bourne is from the DC area.  We’re neighbors.  : )

Now we get to the part that I hope doesn’t destroy my karma- Day by Day Armageddon is a nice try, it’s just not….very well…written.  There.  I said it.  I’m not saying I could do any better, and for someone who doesn’t seem to have a background in English or literature, J. L. Bourne banged out an excellent first try, I only see him getting better.  However, he should fire his editor.  I can’t help it, I read through the eyes of an English teacher and the typos and misspellings drove me bonkers.

The pace of the novel was another issue for me.  He seemed to go from ordinary military officer to survival commando in less than 25 pages.  There wasn’t enough time spent (for me) on how the outbreak happened, the reaction of the average Joes/Janes, how the outbreak actually spread, etc. although that could have lent itself to the realism of the book.  Maybe if a real zombie outbreak occurred, one wouldn’t have time to sit around and journal about it- you’re getting your ass and survival equipment in gear.  (You like that little “out” I just gave him.  Protectin’ the karma.)  : )

Lastly,  it’s just a personal pet peeve of mine, but I can’t stand it when people use “as” when “because” will do.  “I’m going to the store as we are out of milk.”  (My quote, not his).  Bourne committed this atrocity four times on one page.

And lastly, the book just stopped…there was no conclusion, no thoughts on the future or lack of one.  The last ten pages {SPOILER ALERT!} introduce a new clan of dangerous men who are trying to take over their bunker then BAM!  It ends.  I guess Bourne is setting it up for the sequel, but at only 183 pages, it seemed a bit greedy(?) inappropriate(?) on his part to just stop there.

I can’t really recommend this book, but I do believe in Ranganathan’s laws, one of which being there is a reader for every book.  There are people out there who will think this is the best book in the world.  (I know because I read their reviews and was convinced to read it in the first place.)

I give this one the last half cup of my morning coffee that I end up nuking for 20 seconds.

World War Z by Max Brooks

I chose to read World War Z for two basic reasons.  1.) Zombie/apocalytic/distopic literature is my favorite.  And 2.) Brad Pitt is filming the movie version as I type.  'Nuf said.

Now that I've read it, I'm wondering how one "stars" in a movie such as this.  Will he be the interviewer?  Basically, World War Z is a series of personal interviews 30(?) years after a zombie plague wipes out a good portion of the world's population.  The lack of a "plot" is forgiven by the stark realism of how foreign nations would react given their different types of governments, religions, and customs.  I especially appreciated the irony that Cuba becomes the new super power with Americans seeking refuge there.

Max Brooks has obviously done his homework (after all, he DID write the zombie survival guide).  And he seems to take a completely objective view offering realistic details about the new emergent world.  One line stands out about how the surviving white collars will have to get dirty since skilled workers like brick masons call the shots.  I couldn't help but wonder if there would be a need for librarians and their talents in the new world.  : )

I give it a small cuppa joe with some International Delights French Vanilla cream- good, but nothing fancy.

Watchers by Dean Koontz

Just when I thought I had read everything by Dean Koontz, I discover this lil' nugget from his early writing career...and honestly, it's one of my favorites!  It probably helps that we also had an amazingly bright golden retriever that we still painfully miss.  Watchers is even popular with the a-literate crowd (those who choose not the read for pleasure) because it's a movie?  Or so I've heard, I usually prefer not to corrupt my vision of good books with movie versions.  (Twilight anyone?...)

I received Barnes & Noble's e-reader, the Nook, for library school graduation, and this was my first download.  It's your basic good vs. evil thriller with the good here being a genetically engineered golden retriever with human smarts vs. a military-issue goblin-esque killing machine, both of whom escape from a lab.  There are subplots along the way involving a cursed and lonely ex-green beret who finally finds love, an obsessive compulsive hired assassin, and a couple of can't-help-but-like law enforcers. Not to mention a young, hot heiress who could have been hiding upstairs in Flowers in the Attic.  (Read it, you'll see what I mean...)

What I enjoyed most about Watchers was Koontz's vision of the future from the 1980s.  He seemed to be on the cutting edge of technology for his time including in the novel a team of hackers akin to the X-Files Lone Gunmen.  I was still banging out "load",8 ,1 on my Commodore 64 in the 80s, and he was describing early WWW functions.  I also got a kick out of the fashion- the heiress has a collection of tube tops, and most of the men sported white pants.  Tee-hee!!

I give Watchers 5 of my favorite Keurig flavored coffees- Toffee!  Yum, delicious coffee, delectable book!

Babyproofing Your Marriage

I'm not usually one for "self-help," but I saw this in the B&N clearance for $2 and thought, 'Why not?'  What a great decision!  Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to laugh more, argue less, and communicate better as your family grows covers the gamut from mismatched libidos to battling in-laws to scorekeeping in a gritty, real, and humorous way.  If you have small children and don't see at least a small piece of yourself (and significant other) in this book...then maybe I should read YOUR book.  Without being too crass, Rich and I read this together in bed one night and just laughed and laughed because it was SO us.  I had no idea we were so...typical.

Written by three normal moms, the beauty of this book is that you don't have to read it straight through.  If you and your husband are just fine on splitting up household duties- skip that chapter!  I have to admit, my favorite part was the chapter on mismatched libidos.  Apparently, the only person here who cares that I'm packing on some pounds is ME!  I tend not to believe Rich when he claims he a.) doesn't notice, and b.) doesn't care.  I had to hear it from a dozen other husbands that the intimacy they need FAAAAR outweighs my swingin' flabby arms.  I give this gem 4 steamed milks...family appropriate.  : )

Wonder Woman: the ultimate guide to the Amazon Princess- Scott Beatty

I have to pay homage to my most frequently borrowed book at the library- Wonder Woman: the ultimate guide to the Amzon Princess by Scott Beatty.  I'm probably going on a baker's dozen at this point, and one of the clerks asked me why I just don't buy it.  I've wondered that myself actually.  I think it would ruin that split second euphoria when I run to the shelf to see if its there.  Childish, sure.  And I admit, owning it would be much handier when you need to know the alternate name for Paradise Island (it's Themiscyra).  But there's something about sitting at a library table with the book open, hoping someone chances by and wants to strike up a conversation about Wonder Woman's transformation since World War II.

My childhood hero even provided me with my Eureka! moment of the year...and it was only January 2nd!  Still, it will be hard to top.  I've decided the word "Amazon" is the new defining theme of my life.

a.)  As a woman of size, "Amazon" is my euphamism of choice

b.)  Anyone who knows me (well), knows that Wonder Woman has been my hero since I was three years old and sported Wonder Woman underoos in broad daylight, pulling my tricycle up the street by my golden lasso.  And...

c.)  I just became an official librarian, and Amazon.com is my go-to spot when I actually do purchase a book.

So there it is.  AMAZON, baby!  I need to DIY a t-shirt.  And ideas for some gold foil applique stars?

Halloween Tree- Ray Bradbury

Awesome, awesome, awesome!  I picked up this little treat right at Christmas time- don't ask.  It's Ray Bradbury!  You can't go wrong, no matter the time of year.  Isn't it crazy to think that he wrote the majority of his good stuff before most of us were even born??  Genius!

Before I get into this book, I have to mention my motivation.  Ray Bradbury comes in handy when I'm trying to help older relunctant readers find a book.  The Illustrated Man has just enough edge to keep even the "bad" kids interested.  Premise- a dude is tattooed by a WITCH (see?...I already have you), and at night his tattoos come alive and move around on  his body.  Good enough, I don't even need to go on, however, I would be doing you an injustice if I didn't mention that this tattooed man has a blank spot on his shoulder that you should NEVER gaze upon.  It won't end well for you.

So!  With that in mind, I knew The Halloween Tree was going to be a fast-paced, spooky thrill-ride, and I wasn't disappointed.  The language, rhythm, and macabre nature of the story makes me think no one other than Tim Burton should even attempt the movie.  The puerile pack of boys reminded me a little bit of a Goonies/Lost Boys mix.  And who was Mr. Moundshroud?  The Devil himself?  (I just like saying his name...Mound-shroud...open your mouth wide!)

The plot:  Halloween night, a group of middle school-aged boys go on an adventure back in time to learn all the different ways Halloween has been celebrated around the world.  It's very clever how Bradbury works in each boy's costume- one boy is a mummy and they witness ancient Egypt, another is the reaper, and they visit Druid Britain and Samhain.  It's a little dark, but there's nothing inappropriate in it.  My only caveat is that some kids won't get some of the outdated vocabulary (i.e. "he made water" means he peed).  I give this one my favorite fall drink- a great big spiced caramel cider with whipped cream.  Book and drink= delicious!

What the Dickens? The Story of a Rogue Tooth Fairy- Gregory Maguire

Have you ever wondered what the tooth fairy does with all our teeth?  The answer is one of the following:  a.)  plant them to grow wishing candles they randomly exchange for our birthday candles  b.) give them to astro-gnomes that use them to seed the sky with wishing stars or c.) plant them to grow dandelions which turn into white fluff bearing new fairies, and children blow to get a wish.  You'll have to read the book to find the answer...

What the Dickens? had immense potential.  Not just tooth fairies, but warring TRIBES of tooth fairies??  YES!  Had that actually been what the story was about, I would have been much happier, but while the back of the book does mention impending war, there is only mention of the other tribe.  While the story was okay, I was expecting better.  If you liked Gregory Maguire's other books- Wicked and Son of a Witch (I didn't), you'll probably enjoy this one too.  It's definitely worth the time because the font is a bit big making it a quick read. 

What the book is really about...brand new English teacher is called in to watch his three nieces/nephew while parents are away on a medical emergency.  Hurricane hits!  No power, no food, looting, etc. and he uses the tooth fairy story from his childhood to entertain the kids and maintain their sanity.  I give it 3 caramel lattes- sweet, but there are better options...

The Time Traveler's Wife- Audrey Niffenegger

I waited a month on the holds list, and was super excited when it was my turn to read The Time Traveler's Wife.  The movie trailer convinced me it would be a good read.  Isn't that how everyone decides their next book?

One of my library heroes is Nancy Pearl, because she has my dream job- children's librarian at the Seattle Public Library.  (To be able to pick her brain...)  Anyway, her rule is give a book 50 pages.  If you're not into it by then, give up- it's not getting any better.  I was so desperate for this book to get better that I doubled the rule!  Unfortunately the confusing plot line and somewhat shallow characters never got better, and I gave up.  This may be the one exception to the rule, the movie just may be better than the book.  When I see it, I'll let you know.  I give this one a single black coffee (Ew!)

Kaleidoscope Eyes- Jen Bryant

Kaleidoscope Eyes is the best book I've read in a long time, inspiring this nerdy blog. It's a nice blend of Holes, The Wonder Years, and poetry. If you liked other novels in poetic form like Love That Dog and Out of the Dust, you'll love this gem. Literally. There's treasure involved, and just look at the cover! Yeah, I know, don't judge a book...blah, blah. We all do it.

Set in the 60s, three young teens inherit what they discover to be a treasure map and go to town. There's historical fiction (the fictional captain's log of pirate Captn. Kidd), poetry, making it a potential 1-2 day read, and adventure, who knew a river could shift?? With the main character's Janis Joplin-loving older hippie sister, I couldn't help but read this as if Kevin Arnold, Winnie Cooper, and Paul Pfeiffer were digging for their lives. I give it 5 steamy mochas! (Almost as good as it gets in my caffeinated world...)